3 Boundaries to Set For The Holiday Season
Written by Arden Cartrette, Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula and Trauma-Informed Support Provider
When it comes to the holiday season, there are so many opportunities to be triggered, upset, or to feel the weight of your grief more than any other day. Amid the joy and celebration that others are experiencing, you’re navigating grief and unsure of what to expect from your future. It’s hard to relate to others when you’re in a season of struggling so setting boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being during this trying time.
Below are three boundaries that, as a bereavement doula, I recommend my clients consider as they enter the holiday season and are met with event invites and joyous themes.
Limit Social Engagements
The hustle and bustle of holiday gatherings can be overwhelming, especially when navigating the complex emotions following a miscarriage or any type of pregnancy loss. It’s perfectly acceptable to decline invitations or set limits on how many events you attend. Consider prioritizing gatherings that feel safe and comfortable, where you can express yourself freely. Communicate your needs to friends and family, explaining that you may need to leave early or skip certain events altogether.
Designate Personal Time
Amid the festivities, make sure to carve out time for yourself or time alone with your partner. This may involve setting aside moments to reflect, grieve, or engage in self-care activities. Whether it’s journaling about your feelings, spending time in nature, or enjoying a quiet evening at home, personal time allows you to process emotions without external pressures. Inform loved ones that this time is important to you and prioritize these moments without guilt.
Sending Text Messages isn’t always impersonal
During the holidays, it’s common for conversations to revolve around joy and celebration, which can feel alienating after experiencing loss. It’s important to communicate how you feel to those around you. Set a boundary by expressing your need for understanding and sensitivity. If you’re comfortable, let family and friends know that it’s okay to acknowledge your loss and that you appreciate when they validate your feelings. Open dialogue can foster a compassionate environment, making it easier for you to cope.
You can communicate in whichever way feels most comfortable for you. I always give clients permission to rely on texting when it comes to boundaries because it might be most helpful for you and the person whom you’re setting the boundary with.
Setting boundaries during the holiday season is a personal and proactive step towards managing grief after a miscarriage. Remember that your feelings are valid, and prioritizing your emotional well-being is essential. By implementing these boundaries, you can navigate through this challenging time with intention and care.
Things to Remember While Grieving
Grief does NOT have a specific timeline and what someone else has experienced when it comes to grief does not mean that you have to follow that timeframe, too.
It doesn’t matter what type of pregnancy loss you experienced, you are allowed to grieve and that grief may feel heavy. Gestation doesn’t dictate grief.
Don’t put the comfort of other’s above your own comfort. In grief, you are allowed to be selfish. You are not working form an emotional baseline right now and need more support. Sometimes our support comes from ourselves as well as people around us.
In need of more support?
We offer private, virtual sessions where you have the space (and time) to process your pregnancy loss experience(s) as well as seek professional support as you navigate life after loss.